SUBJECT: IN THE MILITARY
For my active rain brothers and sisters that have served in the Military Fire or Law-Enforcement. This will make your day!!!
1. Admit:
"I was in the military; I have a problem." This is the
first step to recovery...
2. Speech:
Time should never begin with a zero or end in a
hundred, it is not 0430 or 1400; it is 4:30 in the
morning (AKA God-awful early).
Words like latrine, overhead, fourth point of contact,
bunk, and "PT" will get you weird looks; bathroom,
ceiling, ass, bed, and workout... get used to it.
"F@*k" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you
can't think of right now, try "um".
Grunting is not talking.
It's a phone, not a radio; do not use words like
roger, say again, send it and conversations on a phone
do not end in "out"
People will not know what you are talking about if you
tell them you usually spend your Monday's doing a PMCS
and that you need a 5988 before you can do a proper
QA/QC or that you spent a deployment in USAREUR. It's
all gibberish to them.
Likewise people will not understand you when you use
expressions like "watch your six" or "pop smoke."
Also, the people you hang out with now are your
friends and the people you work with are your
co-workers. There is no such thing as a "battle buddy"
anymore.
3. Style:
Do not put creases in your jeans.
Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
A hat indoors does not make you a bad person; it makes
you like the rest of the world; what's more it's a hat
and not a cover.
You do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.
4. Women:
Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not
normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is
your first.
Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the
barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you
a retard.
5. Personal accomplishments:
In the real world, being able to do pushups and run a
13 minute 2 mile will not make you good at your job.
Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you
tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
How much pain you can take is not a personal
accomplishment.
The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety
test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.
6. Drinking:
In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you
an intervention, not a "good for you"
That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your
closet is not a conversation starter.
That time you went to the combat life saver school and
practiced giving vodka IV's will also not be a good
conversation starter.
7. Bodily functions:
Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you
run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".
The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be
funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or
how much it smelled.
You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no
matter how funny it is.
VD will also not be funny
8. The human body:
Most people will not want to hear about your balls.
Odd as that may seem, it's true.
9. Spending habits:
One day, you will have to pay bills
Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a
really bad idea.
Spending money on video games instead of on diapers
makes you a fool.
One day you will need health insurance .
10. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):
Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat
will not be normal. Calling him a "fat-body" is not
polite.
11. Real jobs:
They really can fire you.
On the flip side you really can quit.
Screaming at the people that work for you will not be
normal, remember they really can quit too.
Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1700
12. The Law:
UCMJ does not exist and will not save you from prison.
Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and
probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired
about 5 minutes after they find out you've been
arrested
Even McDonalds does background checks, and
"conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
Fighting is not a normal thing and will really get you
arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask
you if you won.
13. General knowledge:
You can in fact really say what you think about the
President in public.
Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are
more important than you are, be polite.
Read the contracts before you sign them; remember what
happened last time.
Forward this if you were once a soldier...or currently
are...or know some and miss them dearly...or if you
can remember civilian life
Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory.
- General George Patton Jr
I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight.
- General George Patton Jr
Good fellows are a dime a dozen, but an aggressive
leader is priceless.-Earl Blaik
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.-Murphy's Law
God Bless You All - Paris and Connor MacIVOR
